Snipped thread.

*Mega snip*

I know a few people who are going to come to me already.

Go ahead Domingoers, let'm have it.

I have a lot of problems with this thing.

First and foremost, the grammar hurts me, I'm sorry but there are fragments, cliffhangers, run on sentences. I'm more than happy to work with you and help you your grammar, but at it's present state, it pains me to read this.

Secondly, you've got too many special techs, the vortex thing is very overpowered, and way out of even the most advanced races in this game's research abilities.With more weapon problems, those nanites are really far out there, you have to understand, we all start at tech level one, and this stuff is well beyond those capabilities and would consume a great number of your resources to employ. You need to think about whats going to be a drain on your resources and whats going to help you succeed.

More on the ammo types, plasma makes sense, but that light weapon, it seems like its a one shot and would break your gun after use, if it fires something that hot that is, or it would be very costly to replace. Just keep in mind resources and actually deploying it, because you're going to get into long debates with other people over this stuff when you really get into the game.

Then there's cloaking, there are hundreds of types of cloaking from radar stealth, to visual camouflage i.e. all black in space. You need to go into more detail about how exactly you're disappearing from view, your video told me nothing so when they're cloaked, I may not be able to see them, but I can get them on radar lock and hit them via computers. Just an FYI.

Thirdly, we've got your navy. In times before flight, water navies dominated the battlefield. Whoever was more supplied, could cut off the other person's ports or supply line would carry the day. Then we moved to modern times where the person who controls the sky can rain fury upon any other living thing on the battlefield. In the future the deciding factor will be who controls the orbit. If you control the ground, and I control space, whats to stop me from raining a holocaust of nuclear hell upon your men, then moving in and capturing everything I want? Or obliterating things from space via orbital bombardment to remove everything.

Your navy is so very very weak, if it stood up to anyone else's navy it would be crushed. I'd definitely invest more into your navy, nothing to stop you from having a strong ground force but if you don't have a navy you're stuck on your planet, and if I come along and knock out your navy, I can just put engines on an asteroid and run it into your planet finishing the war before you can even hit my men with any planetary defense weapons.

That last ones just some food for thought. You might want to diversify your space units and land units, you've got nothing to really go on.

If you clean the backstory up and fix all the grammar issues, its a very interesting race and a cool premise, other than that the rest is really up to you and I'm more than willing to help with that stuff.

Made the special ammunitions clearer and made my navy a bit better.

The amount of detail is absolutely insane, and i'm giving you a shit load of credit for that.
Format could be nicer, but it gets the job done.
The idea of the race is nice, and it is executed nicely. I'd certainly like to see how it's roleplayed.

However, some of your weaponry and technology is a little far-fetched, especially for a beginning race.

First, Vortex Ammo:
Really, not much to say. Making something like that on such a small scale is something the top nations in our rp aren't capable of doing, and certainly not without a tier 3 power source. Of course, this could be implemented on a large scale, for ship based weapons, but the difficulty is still there.

Second, Stealth/Cloaking/etc:
As Marauder said, there is a ton of different ways to execute cloaking and stealth. Better explanation would be nice. Although I generally find stealth systems to be unacceptable, as long as they are limited, I have no problem.

In all honesty, there isn't much more. I do appreciate the detail, and especially your decision to not start off with a massive fleet. Although essential, other things can be invested one, and a massive fleet is not always the way to go.

All in all, fix up those minor blips, and you have my approval.

Also, digging the mech-elite render for the Vanguards.

Thank you. Though the cloaking systems are explained, it's in the special equipment section. It says that it allows the ships equipped with it to make themselves not appear on radars or other sensors. Visually, the ships can be equipped with the special material. I'll replace the vortex ammo with something less...out there. Though again, thank you, I spent a lot of time writing this.

hlfreako is the Judge's contact.

venomops is venomops' contact.

don't listen to venomops he makes powergaming factions anyawy

Stop shitposting his thread and post criticisms.

I for an entry level player here are things that are pushing the limits.

Nanites, "EMP gun," and the beam transporter. Of the three I have the biggest problem with the nanites, I'd make anyone have this as an "in development" thing and not available for use on day 1. I'll ask you to stow it for a while. I can ignore the beam transporter as "science fiction" as you aren't breaking people down into subatomic particles for transport site to site. "EMP gun?" Really anyone can do that. The extent of the EMP needs to be specified.